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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24274363">contented and lonely</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/arashichisato/pseuds/arashichisato'>arashichisato</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Love Live! School Idol Project</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Glass Mention, Light Angst, Mutual Pining, Pining, blood mention</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 00:27:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>659</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24274363</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/arashichisato/pseuds/arashichisato</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>their garden is not empty, but flush with white lilies and abandoned dreams and loneliness</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ayase Eli/Toujou Nozomi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>contented and lonely</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The feelings of glass was all she knew. The feeling of smooth panels that she would rest her hands flat against, pushing, pulling, knowing that breaking the glass would reveal the painful feeling. The feeling of sharp edges that could draw blood effortlessly, a foreign substance stuck in her skin that burned like fire. For this reason, she wouldn’t break the glass. Because if she did, her skin would hurt like fire, and she was afraid of pain.</p>
<p>Eli’s hands pulled away from the glass. It wasn’t a window. It was a sheet of glass, erected in their garden with no top, no sides, no bottom. White lilies and abandoned dreams surrounded her as though the flowers’ pollen was made of them. Abandoned is not synonymous with forgotten, so these dreams sat in the back of Eli’s mind like slowly dying lilies.</p>
<p>The lazy glow of a morning sun lit up the student council room. Eli’s left side shone with the sun, her right stuck in the shadows where the it couldn’t reach. The door opened, which she never noticed, and the lights flickered on and chased the shadows away. Nozomi took a seat across from Eli like she did every morning.</p>
<p>“You know, working in the dark is bad for your eyes,” Nozomi says. Her voice had always been playful. Everything she said was banter. Everytime that she said something romantic, had held Eli’s hands and stroked Eli’s hair was all playful, meaningless banter. </p>
<p>“I know,” Eli sighs. “You know how the fluorescent lights hurt my head sometimes.” </p>
<p>They were together, in their garden. Eli tried to stay away from the glass, because she was scared that one day she would break though it, despite the pain, despite the fire. But what she was most scared of was the glass striking Nozomi and hurting her. </p>
<p>Nozomi had always been on the other side, swaying softly back and forth on a swing hanging from a beautiful tree. She was always humming, always singing, always gazing at Eli from the other side of the glass. Sometimes, she would leave her swing to press her hands against it. Eli would meet her there, placing her hands over Nozomi’s, holding her hands but never truly holding them. </p>
<p>When they were close, Eli saw how lonely Nozomi’s eyes were. It hurt to see, especially because Nozomi had always been lonely. Always disconnected, always thinking, so lonely. Lonely, but content. As though she was fine with never quite reaching Eli. </p>
<p>That morning, Nozomi had looked up at her from her work. Eli met her gaze. They stared, longingly, lonely, contentedly. Eli was used to never quite enough, to a point where these moments were all she needed. She felt Nozomi rest her foot on Eli’s beneath table. Eli smiled warmly at her friend.</p>
<p>Nozomi smiled back.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, these moments truly weren’t enough. Because when they happened, Eli would think about how they could become more. How they’re contact, they’re romance didn’t just have to be the gazing, the foot-tapping and the longing. Eli wanted more, and in these moments it was incredibly tempting to break through the glass. </p>
<p>Once she had healed from the wounds the glass would inflict on her, she could embrace Nozomi once and for all. They could swing together on Nozomi’s lonely swing, and the longing could finally end.</p>
<p>Eli prepared herself for the pain of breaking through. She wanted to ram into it, end the pining once and for all. She wouldn’t have to worry about hurting Nozomi because in the end, Nozomi had the same feelings. Nozomi too wanted to break the glass but was too afraid of the pain to do so.</p>
<p>But Eli didn’t break it, because she couldn’t bring herself to.</p>
<p>Nozomi looked back down at her work, removed her foot off of Eli’s. </p>
<p>Eli tore her gaze away from her friend, and continued to work as well. </p>
<p>She could break the glass another day.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tldr; I listened to Garasu no Hanazono too many times.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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